For any of you that haven’t yet gotten THe newsletter some new rules have been voted on by the council. As always this information is NOT to fall into the hands of women. In the event that you allow your wife or girlfriend to learn of your affiliation with THe organization all affiliation will be disavowed. You may not be invited back to the meetings as well so Mum is the word!!
As you know Real Men don't eat quiche... Included in the category of foods to avoid now are sushi, strawberries and champagne together...separately they are fine, caviar, escargot and pretty much anything considered French (Except for French Fries of course..)
Colors to be avoided...Pink is always a NO NO, in addition any color that wasn't learned in grade school. Blue, Red, Yellow, Green etc. are all fine... Mauve, Taupe, Fushia and especially Periwinkle are always to be avoided!! (Even being able to spell them can make you suspect..)(A woman was consulted on the spelling of the above..)
Clothing to be avoided...Lace is never permitted, any clothing having more than four colors is not permitted...with the exception of flannel of course.
On a related note... THe Council of '01 forbade the watching of 'Will and Grace' on TV...the new addendum forbids 'Queer Eye for the Straight Guy' as well. (Also to be avoided are 'Regis and Kelly' and 'The View'....'Oprah' is only permitted when one's relationship is in trouble.)
All theater movies are allowed...the council, of course, knows that the woman in your life may drag you to some of the less desirable features. ( If you do happen to tear-up you are to say that your 'sinus problems are acting up'..)
Colognes that may be used... Old Spice is still recommended by the council but all American and British colognes may be used in moderation. NO French colognes or so called 'Toilet Waters' may be used.
Hair length is to be short. Under no circumstances is it to be below the shoulders. Some parts of the country are exempt from the rules of the council of '76...see your delegate in your area for clarification.
Jewelry may still be worn with the following exceptions...no more than one gold chain (not binding on men of African American or Italian descent), no more than two rings (wedding bands exempt), No jewelry may be worn in the hair (Sorry...no exceptions..)
Lava lamps, tie dyed clothing, bell bottomed pants and all 'psychedelic' colored furniture are all considered banned now by the council... No Real Men should own them... Sorry, no exceptions will be made...
Real Men may engage in any of our traditional activities...Football (American only), Baseball, Basketball etc. are all acceptable sports. Sorry...soccer is only allowed for those of European or Latin American ancestry. Bowling, Pool, Golf and related games are no longer permitted to be called 'Sports' but may be engaged in.
Hunting, fishing and camping are all fine... but Skateboarding and bicycle trick riding are forbidden after ones teen years. Again...no exceptions can be made.
Poker, while always allowed, may no longer be played with women. Hearts and related card games may only be played by married men...and only when their wives are present.
The T-Rush (Testosterone Rush for you newbies..) May be sought after in different ways around the country. In the West for example Bull riding can fulfill the need. Other acceptable venues for seeking a T-rush include, but are not limited to, sky diving, white water rafting, car racing and boxing. Those venues that are likely to draw blood...IE: The best forms...are strictly forbidden to women! (Sorry no exceptions can be made.)
Military Service is always preferred... especially in the United States Marine Corps, United States Army and the United States Navy... United States Air Force service is allowed...but only provided that one actually breaks a sweat in Boot Camp....Again, no exceptions.
New Dating rules...please pay strict attention here as the rules from the council of '85 have been slightly modified.
2.) No Real Man may take a date to a 'Tea room' ..( the only exception will be for those who have become engaged).
3.) No Real Man may EVER be permitted to hold or carry his dates purse in public... (No Exceptions..)
4.) A Real Man will ALWAYS show courtesy to his date... pulling out her chair at the restaurant, opening her car door, holding the door open for her to a private or public building etc. (The only exceptions will be for those whose dates strongly object....in that event seek the advice of a council member or older member of the organization for further information.)
As always the PRIME DIRECTIVE is to NEVER, EVER harm a woman or child. This includes physical and emotional harm.... BEWARE...violating this directive will automatically disbar you from the organization!! (NO EXCEPTIONS!)
nger be permitted. For further clarification please see your delegate...
Signed,
Terrell G. Perkins
Union delegate...136th tactical div.
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