Sarah Belle, My Sweet Love, I miss you so much...

I moved to New Mexico seven years ago. I live alone and didn't know many people. I was lonely. I asked God to send me someone to love. He sent me you, my sweet Sarah Belle. I didn't know it, but I had a hole in my heart that was exactly your size and shape. You filled it completely. You were three months old when God gave you to me.

It was hard at first because I had never had a dog. I learned to deal with your hair everywhere, your drinking from the toilet, and your willingness to eat almost anything!

What I got in return was the only unconditional love I've ever known in my life. You were my constant companion. You went with me everywhere. Everyone knew your name, even when they didn't know mine. You would walk into someone's home or store, just knowing that everyone loved you. You were right.

You opened my heart completely and you moved right into it. You taught me more things about love, friendship, loyalty, affection, forgiveness, gratitude, trust and joy than I ever knew. You became the song in my heart.

I would make up little songs to sing to you while we cuddled in the bed or watched TV. We would go on hikes in the forest that you loved. We would play with the squeaky toys you picked out from the store.

I was never lonely even one day I was blessed to have you. You knew how to make me smile and laugh every day. You brought me so much joy and you turned my house into a home. You taught me to love and respect other animals because, if you were capable of love, they may be capable of love too. You never met an enemy. You could make a friend of any biped or quadruped so fast. The deer, rabbits and other critters around our home all knew you were friendly.

I knew our lifespans were so different that I prayed for God to protect you from anything that would harm you and that He give you long life and good health. Your lifespan was on my mind often. I thought I'd have, maybe, 18 years with you. Aussies are long-lived and prone to few diseases. I never even dreamed that a parasite would take your life.

We never spent a single night apart in six years until you got sick and had to stay at the vets. You were away from me for almost two weeks. It kills me that I couldn't be with you during the hardest time in your life. I'm so sorry my love. God took you back at 11:40 Saturday morning February 7, 2015. The disease that gripped you caused you to lose the use of your hind legs. I laid down beside you and put my arm under your head. I told you how much  you've blessed my life; how much joy you brought me and how much I love you. I patted your chest and sang you a little song I used to sing to you in  the mornings. You kissed me and wagged your tail. I just couldn't see you suffer any longer so the doctor gave you something to put you in a deep sleep. When you were sleeping she gave you another shot and I said goodbye.

I have never felt so lonely in my life as when that happened. I wanted to die with you so we could stay together. Sometimes I still feel that way. I emailed my friends whom I had asked to pray for you and told them the light had gone out in my life...

When I hear people say they're sorry that my dog died...it sounds so  hollow. You were so much more to me than "just a dog". You were my best friend, my teacher, my heart and joy. I was in love with you...I still am. Most people just don't understand how important you were to me; how someone could be in love with a dog. Because of that I grieve in solitude. I miss you so much...

I saw my father and my grandmother die but nothing ever prepared me for the depth of pain I felt / feel at losing you. My heart is so completely broken. Holding on to that pain is the only thing that makes me feel close to you. I'm slowly learning to hold only the good memories. I want the world to know how much you meant / mean to me. No death will ever end my love for you...not yours or mine.

Losing you brought a crisis of my faith. I don't understand why God allowed you go at only six years old. I don't know why He didn't answer my prayers to protect you and heal you. How could He take the one being who brought me so much joy?  I still trust Him and know there is a bigger picture than I can see. I know He will allow us to be together again one day because I know our Heavenly Father and He is more kind, merciful and gracious than we can begin to understand. For now, the hole in my heart is back and only you can fill it.

I buried my heart with you. I look out my window and see the mound of dirt that covers you and I know it's there. Your heart is alive in me. I can feel it in the compassion I have for others animals now. You made me a better human being. Thank You Heavenly Father for my Sarah Belle. Thank You My Sweet Love...for the BEST six years and the BEST friend I've ever known.

The universe won't be able to contain my joy when I can hold you again. I dream of that day. I want you beside me for all eternity....