Intimacy

It is a part of the human condition for us to reach out to other human beings. We seem to need to connect with, at least, one other human being. It seems to me that, that need, is a part of our nature, in our ‘spiritual DNA’ if you will. Maybe we need to make connections to help us define who we are for ourselves. It could be that we need someone to accept us for who we really are and not for the face we show the world. It could keep us from getting lost. Maybe we sense our isolation on such a deep level that it drives us to seek out other human beings like fear of the dark drives us to seek out the light. Or maybe we just need another human being to bear testament that we’ve been here. I think of the human heart like a seed with a hard shell. It needs the proper environment and nurturing to break open and become greater than it is. I think we need to grow. Whatever the need is, it causes us to crave intimacy with another human being.

To be completely vulnerable to another human being, to trust someone so completely that you absolutely ‘know’ you’re safe with them…that’s the dream. It’s a powerful thing, intimacy. It has the power to totally transform one who gives ones self over to it. The problem is that while we seek it, we still tenaciously cling to our autonomy. It’s an odd paradox of the human condition that, while we crave intimacy, we fight against it at the same time. It’s a paradox that each of us has to come to peace with. If we are to ever truly make the deep connection with another person that we seem to need, we have to learn to let our barriers down. We also need to learn to put someone else’s needs before our own. That’s just another way to define love. If we don’t do that…we just end up sabotaging what we hope to build.

Love, trust and letting one’s defenses down, those things aren’t easy to achieve. Even calling our inner barriers ‘defenses’ means we sense a kind of battle going on. If you sense no attack…no defense is necessary. Life on earth with other human beings teaches most of us not to trust, so we erect barriers to protect ourselves. But the barriers we erect make us feel our isolation even more acutely. The barriers themselves can drive away the very people we seek to be intimate with. We then may conclude that the barriers protected us! It can become a vicious cycle.

To completely trust another human being…how do we learn that? All I know is that it goes against everything experience has ingrained in me. Looking through the window from here on the outside it does look warm in there, but at what price I wonder?

This much I know…Love and trust are the cornerstones of what most of us hope to build. I also know that the firmest foundation one can build on is God. How one could build without God as the foundation is beyond me. That would be like building a house on shifting sand…or trying to plant seeds on a sidewalk.

Seeds need a ‘growth friendly’ environment to break through their barriers. They need good soil, water and sunshine. They somehow seem to ‘know’ that they can be greater than they are if they can just break through their own barriers. Witness the lowly acorn… It can push up a sidewalk to become a mighty oak tree. But it has to take that first step.

I suspect that we need to make intimate connections to know what it is to grow beyond ourselves. It may be only the first step in coming to understand what is possible. We are all connected after all. Possibly the biggest stumbling block to individuals, and to humanity is not realizing that. It takes courage, it takes love…it takes a ‘growth friendly’ environment, but God’s promise is that it can be done.